Illustration by Sarah Bradbury

LC Ranked Nation’s Top Party School

*The Backdoor is a “work” of “fiction” and “humor”

By Elise Glaser

In a 2017 annual report, the popular news source Frat Lyfe reported that Lewis & Clark topped the United States college party scene. LC also ranks high in categories: “Most Republican University” and “Best Greek System.”

“We like to party a lot,” Latka Huile ’20 said. “If you’re not going out once a month like the rest of us, you’re a total square.”

LC students party so much that it can be hard for them to even remember their all-time favorite party stories.

“Woah, it is hard to choose a party, when there have been so many amazing ragers,” Peace Paix ’20 said. “Probably the best party was when I went to this house where all of the lights were on and the speakers weren’t working. There was a band playing ambient music and screeching into a mic in the crowded garage with nobody dancing. It was sick.”

“It was so crazy to be a Freshman at house shows,” Gluhwein Stein ’18 said. “The best night was probably when I arrived to a party an hour early accidentally and the seniors in the house didn’t talk to us at all. Then, later, one of the senior guys performed this two hour screaming poem covered head-to-toe in blue paint. Best night ever.”  

Many other LC students preferred to be left anonymous because they did not want their parents finding out about their wild party habits.

“I did rugby for one semester when I had pneumonia and then found myself gagging, being forced to drink a beer out of my cleat,” a sophomore said and then yelled, “Roll Pios!”

“Freshman year I would go to the co-op with my friends,” a reminiscent senior said. “This really manic guy and three of us would mosh to synth music while people got annoyed at us for bumping into them.”

“I think it is that cold, distant, non-social attitude that makes LC such a great place to party,” an anonymous sophomore said. “Once as a young freshman I went outside to have a smoke, and asked two seniors what their majors were. They didn’t reply and I learned to never to start a conversation with a stranger at LC again.”

One student commented on the “party neighborhood” Sellwood, located in SE Portland.

“Sellwood houses are perfect for your classic college party,” the student said. “The best time I’ve had was when I was drunk at a party and found this rasta hat and put it on. I then descended toward the basement and fell down 10 wooden stairs, losing my hat on the way. No one seemed to notice. The bruises were proof of a successful night!”

“The best part is that you never know what you’re going to get,” a senior said. “The sickest party was when I was at this house and realized that they had stolen all of my stuff from my boxes in Hartzfeld storage cuz it was all over the house.”

“It’s awesome cuz we can go to nearby parties,” yet another senior said. “Like once I went to this Reed party and had the craziest time. I asked this guy who was dealing whip-its to have a threesome with me and my best friend but he said no because he wanted to sell drugs instead.”

“At one great party, it was so dark that I thought I was eating a pretzel,” yet another nostalgic junior said. “I found out it was a firecracker when it popped in my mouth.”

Many of the stories revolved around the proclaimed “amazing” dating and hookup culture at LC parties.

“Nothing beats the LC dating scene,” Charlotte Good ’19, said. “This one guy told my friend he would marry me and then ignored me for a full year after! It is great to match with a cutie on Tinder and then have them pretend not to see you for a full semester, until one of you goes abroad or graduates.”

LC students cannot wait to see what 2018 will bring in the party scene. They don’t know what’s coming, but they do know that it will be something completely unhinged and unexpected.

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