*The Backdoor is a “work” of “fiction” and “satire.”
By Elise Glaser
A Campus Living poll has released the findings that Lewis & Clark students overwhelmingly adore “ignoring people.” Alternate popular poll responses included: “Crying in Tryon State Park” and “Eating IT popcorn for all three meals.”
The poll, conducted by concerned Area Directors, allowed students to elaborate on their favorite extracurriculars. Some enthusiastic, anonymous comments on “ignoring people” included the following:
“The best thing about ignoring people is that anyone in any year can do it. Even you. It can be done on-campus and off-campus, which really allows for tons of different opportunities. Just last week, I sat next to the guy my roommate is hooking up with in Tea Chai Te in Sellwood while pretending I didn’t know intimate details about him”; “Nothing feels better than averting my eyes, passing my ex in the library and momentarily forgetting that I stayed in his family’s cabin and met his grandmother”; “My former roommate and I used to share intimate secrets before bed, now we enjoy scooting around each other in the Dovecote”; “There is nothing like the rush of walking past someone who I hung out with in Germany during a study abroad trip as if I didn’t know their first name”; “The Bon creates a social scene that I look forward to everyday as I can participate in ‘ignoring’, my all-time favorite on-campus activity. Just today, at Bon lunch, I stood in line behind four people who went on my NST. I was thinking about how they were my first friends in college. While that may be wonderful and nostalgic, nothing warms my heart more than standing right behind them quietly while pretending to be on my phone.”
Campus Living is thrilled that the LC community is uniting over a common interest.
“Lewis and Clark is often thought of as a divided community,” a Copeland resident advisor said. “Criticisms of the school have stated that students are not great at participating in on-campus events. It’s so exciting to see all people coming together over the great love of ‘ignoring people.’” This activity does not discriminate: student and faculty alike expressed interest.
“The classroom allows me to engage intellectually with my students,” a delighted professor explained. “In contrast, The Trail Room allows me to speak privately with other professors while not looking at my students at the table next to mine.”
This extracurricular, however, is not perfect.
“Nothing is worse than a successful and joyful semester of ‘ignoring’ being destroyed by a forced introduction at a party,” Brockley Green ’18 said. “But, I can still enjoy it if I go for a ‘Hi! Nice to meet you!’ even if I know that they follow my Instagram, dated my freshman year roommate and sat next to me in E&D.”
The administration is also pleased to see their former initiatives taking off.
“This is a part of an ongoing project to invest in the school’s shared passion,” an associate dean commented. “Just this year, we were pleased to shut the Trail Room for dinner in an an attempt to facilitate signifiantly less social interactions. In 2014, we cancelled Spring Fling after numerous complaints that it forced too much socializing.” Their greatest achievement to date was the creation of Templeton, a complex building that disallows large student gathering, complete with intricate pathways perfect for dodging a former friend or lover.
After reading the findings of this poll, the administration is looking into even more new ways to fund and encourage “ignoring people.” Possibilities include: more “Pod Style” study chairs like those in Lower Templeton and selling LC trademarked transition glasses in the bookstore.