How to get intimate discretely
By Tyler Wayne Patterson
I began writing this article trying to hunt down for students willing to go on record about what their sex sounds like. It proved pretty difficult, since it turns out you all care more about your professional futures than my world-class journalism. This is 2015, people—If you’ve taken one nude, you might as well have taken 1000.
Luckily, it wasn’t as hard to get people to talk about what music listen to during sex and why.
“I always listen to music during sex,” asserted Molly Wyman ’16, “like, I have to. It sets the rhythm.”
You see, I played Mean Girls loudly to drown out my first threesome so that my mom wouldn’t hear, but I found the movie distracting. Since then, I assumed music would be just as distracting. The only times I’ve ever used music was to spare housemates from hearing me.
“Almost always the reason I’ve played music is so that others don’t hear,” said Mia Freiberg ’16, “but my current roommates and I have a mutual understanding and openness about sex.”
For Molly, music sets a mood. For Mia, it’s a matter of respect and not being embarrassed.
But here’s the thing: is part of sharing space accepting that you might hear someone next-door having sex? Like, if I have to listen to you practice violin, can’t you hear me have sex? Sure, loud and vulgar sex could be inappropriate, but wouldn’t a loud and vulgar conversation be just as rude?
The thinking behind Mia’s household, she says, is that “you might overhear us having sex, and I might overhear you. We’re adults, we can talk it out if we need to.”
Out of respect for others, you may choose to be quieter. Whether sex makes your roommates or neighbors uncomfortable, or they need some uninterrupted rest before a test, a combination of quite sex and ambient music seems to be the popular solution. Etiquette books don’t dictate stuff like this, folks.
But don’t sweat it. Respect goes both ways. You might have a roommate who plays video games at 4 am, or occasionally gets it on a Thursday night. If it’s really a problem (like if you can’t bear to hear the words “give it to me, daddy” one more time or something) I think a simple, polite note under the door a few hours after they finish is appropriate to avoid embarrassment.
Otherwise, a simple headboard bang or moan just doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. But everyone is different. Make sex a part of your hall/housemate meetings, because communication is always better. Or, use music.
If you find choosing music to have sex too stressful, or need some inspiration, my friends over at KLC Radio made you a playlist: listen to it here
What do Pioneers listen to when having sex?
Jeremy Bacharach (’16) : Look At What the Light Did Now — Feist (Duet w/ Little Wings)
Elliot Young (faculty): No Hay Nadie Como Tu — Calle 13
Andrew Williamson (’17): Reckoner — Radiohead
Kora Link (’18) The Smiths